What I Learned From My Sleep Consultant

Last night, 7 nights after we began the plan devised by our sleep consultant and 2 days before he turned 15 months, Baby B finally slept through the night!!!

This feels like such a huge achievement for him and really is going to change things for this very tired and despairing family. What I can’t quite believe is how quickly and willingly he adapted to the new of doing things. I was totally convinced he hated sleep and he couldn’t get through the night without several feeds and being in my bed. I was wrong!

Working with the amazing Night and Day Nanny was fantastic. She helped me change the way I thought about B’s nighttime behaviour and so change my response to it. Nothing she suggested was cruel or unsympathetic or difficult or even ground-breaking. It now seems bloody obvious but I was just too tired to figure it out or see it through by myself. She taught me some really valuable lessons about baby sleep.

• When he woke, B would cry. I thought he was saying come and get me mummy. He was actually just saying dammit I’m awake.
• Every time I picked him up, rocked him, moved him to a different room, fed him etc. I interfered with his attempts to fall back to sleep.
• He wasn’t sleeping all night because he didn’t know he was meant to. My repeated responses had taught him to expect to be picked up, talked to, fed, moved, cuddled, all sorts of other activities.
• All the moving and my frustration at not being able to get him back to sleep was making his clever cave baby brain think there was danger, which obviously wasn’t helping him sleep or want to sleep in his cot.
• By consistently showing him that the new expectation was that he’d stay in the cot, lie down and sleep he quickly started doing it!
• It’s possible to be supportive and reassuring without having to keep disturbing him. Just being in the room was enough to calm and convince him it was ok to go back to sleep.
• There is no need to resort to cry it out (like many people have told me I’d have to, even though I knew I couldn't.) ‘Sleep training’ can be gentle and respectful.

I also learned that B and I are way more resilient than I realised. We both took on this challenge wholeheartedly and I’m surprised by how adaptable we are! But I also know I couldn’t have done it on my own. There is no shame in seeking help, especially for something as important as the family’s sleep. I’d read every sleep book I could but just ended up confused, guilty and inconsistently trying different ways to get out of our rut. Working with a sleep consultant gave me a clear plan to stick to and the confidence to see it through. I’m sure B could sense my doubt before, but this time he responded to my positivity and resolution and the changes came quicker than I ever dared hope.

It’s been so good for us. I was feeling really touched out and resentful from all the co-sleeping and night feeding but now it’s a joy to snuggle and feed him in the morning after a good night’s sleep. Decent, restful sleep is so beneficial for B and I am overjoyed that he, and us, can now enjoy that.