First - WOW! You are amazing. You probably don’t feel it. You’re probably sore, exhausted, flabby and more than a little overwhelmed. That’s ok. You just grew a person. Inside you. With tiny, perfect fingernails and everything. Whatever method he or she used to get out it’s been uncomfortable, unpleasant and unnerving, but you’ve done it. You have enabled a brand new person to join the world. Wow! It’s been a crazy experience, and it’s about to get crazier, so take some time to rest, recover and let it all sink in.
The next few weeks (or more like months, even years) are about getting your priorities right. This is not easy because we have all been sold an impossible dream - the supermum that can do it all. You’ve pictured yourself as her, you might even think you know her, but trust me, she doesn't exist. And she doesn't need to. While it would be quite nice to be a slim, fashionable, social butterfly with an immaculate home, serving up complicated home-cooked meals, your new number-one-fan disagrees. All they want is for you to be available for warm snuggles all day, every day, milk on tap and for your soothing voice to reassure them everything is ok. If you do this in your jammies, while watching daytime tv, scoffing Jaffa Cakes, with the laundry basket overflowing and crumbs all over the floor they will not love you any less. They may even love you more because you will be more relaxed and more focussed on them.
Because your baby is pretty much all you need to worry about right now. None of that other stuff matters so let go of any idealistic plans you had and just get to know your little one. The likelihood is that this little person will have big ideas about what they want and don’t want. They will want to be close to you at all times. They will not want to be in the pretty Moses basket you have prepared for them. This does make doing stuff difficult so, apart from the fact that you should be resting, don’t do the other stuff. Don’t fight the evolutionary instinct that kept cave baby ancestor safe. Just go with the cuddles.
If you’re breastfeeding this is particularly important. Your little guzzler will need frequent meals to fill that tiny tummy. I’m not going to lie to you - this can be pretty punishing on your nipples. The key to pain free feeding is perfect latch and this is much easier to achieve when you are relaxed and comfortable. Pick a nice spot in your house and prepare to settle in, surrounded by the things you need to survive feedathons, with your boobs on almost permanent display.
Which leads me to another important point - visitors. Unless they tick all these boxes, no matter how desperate they are to get their hands on your new baby, fend them off. All visitors must: make their own tea and wash up their cups; bring food; either ignore or tidy up mess; be comfortable with boobs and supportive of breastfeeding; be considerate to your baby’s need for milk, sleep and mummy cuddles; keep stupid advice to themselves; not overstay their welcome. Accept any help you’re offered and ask if you need it. You can pay it forward in the future. You’re not obliged to have visitors at all so keep it on your terms and don't be afraid to ask people to leave. You and your baby are the priority.
And that’s the other important point. You have to be your priority too. Your baby needs you to be on top form, so don't neglect your own well-being. As tempting as it is to live on cake, and you have earned lots, try to eat plenty of fruit, veg and lean protein to keep your energy levels up. Stir fries are perfect to knock up in the rare moments that the baby is happy to be put down. Smoothies are great. Take vitamins. Drink loads of water. Take advantage of visitors holding the baby and take a long shower. Put makeup on if it makes you feel better, not because it matters how people see you. Fresh air will make you feel better, but venture out at your own pace. There is no should. Be kind and patient with yourself.
I’ve not mentioned partners. I don't want to assume anything; they come in all varieties. Hopefully you have a helpful one who will cook for you, do all the chores, change nappies, bring you stuff while you’re stuck under the baby and keep telling you how incredible you are. This is more important than ‘helping by feeding the baby’. If you have to express for them to be able to do this, it is not helpful, it's more work for you. Maybe you have one who is equally shell-shocked, in which case all this advice applies to them too. The most helpful things my husband did were cook meals that could stay warm until the baby was ok with being handed over, manage visitors, bring me boxes of patisserie and stand up for breastfeeding when his family questioned it. The least helpful things he did were bring me the crying baby while I was in the bath and get cabin fever being stuck in the house and nag me to go out before I was really ready. It’s so crucial to be honest about how you’re feeling, even if how you’re feeling seems a bit mad.
I wish you all the best on this incredible journey. It will be harder, funnier, more awe-inspiring than you imagined. There's lots to learn, usually the hard way. And even if it doesn’t always feel like it, you will be awesome. Just remember, the floors can wait, the cuddles can’t. Take good care of yourself mummy.
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