Dreaming of Sleep: Update 1

Writing that last sleep post was a wake-up call (LOL). It sounded dreadful. It feels dreadful. I decided it was time to take action.

I started by reading some sleep books. This was both a good and terrible idea. I’ll review the books another time but the end result was that I felt like a total failure. “It’s all my fault!” I sobbed at Long Last Dad. “I’ve accidently parented him into a needy child who will NEVER sleep by himself.” LLD gave me a big cuddle. He misses sleeping in his own comfy bed but reassured me that if B needed to sleep with me and feed all night that was what he’d have to do, and it would be ok.

“His brain won’t develop!” I sobbed at Long Last Gran. “The books say he needs 2 hour naps. He’s never had a 2 hour nap!” LLG snorted. She reassured me that they didn’t waste time reading  books in her day and we all turned out fine. We looked at B. He grinned back, blew a raspberry and chuckled to himself. I had to agree with her that he seemed ok so far.

Ignoring LLG’s warnings I went back to the books, but this time I found one that resonated with my heart and the way we want to parent little B. Aussie Pinky McKay’s ‘Sleeping Like a Baby’ is a lovely gentle book that made a lot of sense. Reading it made me feel much better, much more normal, more accepting.

In moving forward these are the things I have had to accept.

• It is totally normal for babies to take short naps, wake at night and feed at night.
• It is possible to help him sleep longer but gentle methods work slowly.
• Gentle methods are right for me and B, so it’s going to take time.
• Just because someone wrote it in a book does not make it applicable to my baby.
• He is still small, he needs the comfort I can give him with feeding, and that is a lovely thing to be able to do for my baby.
• Teething, colds, tummy aches, growth spurts and unexplained babiness will cause setbacks. We will recover.
• There’s no rush to get him in the cot or his own room.
• He’s not going to nap enough for me to write a novel or get good enough to go on Bake Off and I just have to come to terms with this.

At school we teach kids to accept the things they can’t change and work on the things they can. So I thought about the things I could change that wouldn’t reduce B and I to tears. Here’s the plan...

Night Sleep

• Change from a 2.4 to 1.5 tog sleeping bag. With the heating on I think he was getting too hot. But have blankets ready if he needs extra layers in the night.
• Let him sleep on his tummy or side.
• Use white noise.
• Give him his Cuski.
• Spend 5 minutes trying to soothe him back to sleep but let him have the comfort of a feed if that’s what he needs.
• Try to feed him as much breast milk and solids as he wants in the day. I think he gets distracted and doesn’t ask, so inevitably gets hungrier at night.

Naps

B has a serious movement sleep cue. Over time I need to wean him off that and replace it with more useful ones. But in meantime I may as well use what works. Weekends have to stick to the plan.

Phase 1

• Use the pushchair for all naps.
• Establish a 3 nap pattern of around 9.30, 12.30 and 3.30 with bath at 5.30.
• One nap will be out on a walk, the others I will rock the pushchair inside the house.
• Inside naps will always begin with closing the curtains and saying the same phrases. I’ve ordered a Gro Anywhere blind to make it darker.
• Use white noise.
• Give him his Cuski.
• If he wakes after 30 minutes try to rock him back to sleep.

Phase 2

• Same as phase 1 but make the rocking more gentle.

Phase 3

• Same as phase 1 and 2 but no rocking.
• Put him down to sleep in the cot for the first bit of night sleep.

Phase 4

• Keep one nap walk but try for 2 naps in the cot in his room.
• Use the same curtain routine, phrases, white noise and Cuski.

So far the cot has been making him furious, I’m guessing because of the lack of movement. Hopefully by stage 4 he’ll be in a routine, used to his new sleep cues, weaned off movement and associating the cot with sleep. Well that’s the plan! We’ll have to see how it goes and adapt as necessary. Each stage will take as long as it takes.

Making this plan has at least made me feel positive about helping B fall asleep easier and sleep longer, not for my benefit but so that he’s rested and ready for all the playing and learning he’s so busy doing. It shouldn’t cause either of us any stress or use any methods that aren’t suited to us. We’ve already done a week of phase 1 and it’s been good. He’s started doing an hour at lunch without prompting from me :) Nights are hit and miss. Most of the time I am ok with this.

I’d love to hear your success stories or at least be reassured you’re going through the same.Wish us luck and I’ll update again soon.