Long Last Dad and I recently spent our first afternoon, together, without Baby B, since his birth. We were going to a nice restaurant to celebrate our first wedding anniversary and had arranged for the grandparents to babysit. We got dressed up, left detailed instructions for his food and naps and kissed the boy goodbye. Then panicking that he’d get hungry while I was gone I took him upstairs to have one last feed.
And that one last feed triggered the poo that had been brewing for 3 days. It was like he knew we were leaving him. He does not like to be left. He unleashed poomageddon.
It was horrific. It came squishing out the sides of the nappy and filled the legs of his babygro. Within seconds of undoing his suit he had put his hands and feet in it and smeared it everywhere. It was all over him, the change mat, my hands and my lovely going out clothes. It was gross.
We’re 3 weeks into weaning and he’s eating a lot so it’s become almost like proper human poo and it stinks! It made me miss the days of purely breastfed baby poo. In hindsight that smelled kind of nice!
Not that we didn’t have our fair share of poosplosions with that. B seems to have an unnaturally powerful bum that can propel it out with great force. It kept shooting straight out the top of his nappy and up his back. Often it would happen while he was in the car seat so I’d have to deal with it while out and about. The worst was on a cold winter’s day. I had to put him in the boot, strip him off and wet wipe his whole body. Obviously this made him cry, to the point that a lady actually came out of her house to inform me that it was cold! No shit, and no pun intended.
I knew that pooey nappies were an inevitable part of having a baby, but I wasn’t prepared for how obsessed I would become with colour, consistency and frequency. Egg yolk is the ultimate poo, but we’ve also had lemon curd, peanut butter, mustard (Dijon and wholegrain), mint sauce, mushy pea and disturbing green slime if I eat too much dairy. Growth spurts, teething and colds seem to make it go insane. For a couple of weeks he pooed after every feed, and he feeds a lot, while at the same time friends’ babies were going once a week. ‘Normal’ covers a whole range of strange.
Timing has been another issue. It’s often just as we’re about the leave the house. Or loudly and proudly in the quiet moment of Jolly Babies. Or in the bath. Once it was during an ill-timed nappy change straight onto my hand.
Weaning has slowed him down even if it has made it more real. The only way you really know what they’ve eaten is when it reappears at the other end. “Oo, look, broccoli!” I shout proudly.
Here are my tips for surviving the poonami.
- Give the baby a plastic toy to hold; this should stop them putting their hands straight in it and smearing it over their face.
- Remove socks first and slide vests down, not over the head.
- Rinse pooey clothes under the cold tap, then leave to soak in cold water for 30 minutes.
- Wash on 60 with double the laundry liquid and a scoop of Vanish.
- If possible, hang to dry in the sunshine.
Never leave home without a fully stocked change bag. It must have:
- A complete change of clothes that still fits.
- Plenty of wipes. Restock before they get too low.
- Tissues or muslin for drying.
- A waterproof bag for dirty clothes.
- Anti-bac hand gel.
- Nappies, obvs. Asda Little Angels Supreme Protection are super absorbent and have a pleat at the back which helps contain the mess. They often have ‘baby events’ so they’re cheap too.
So, my thoughts on poo: it’s messy; it’s relentless; it’s weird and it’s wonderful!
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